The Talk
Uncomfortable as it may seem, all parents ultimately have to face the dreaded talk. You know, the one about the birds and the bees. About sex and growing up. Don’t worry. Local experts help make the process as painless as possible.
Uncomfortable as it may seem, all parents ultimately have to face the dreaded talk. You know, the one about the birds and the bees. About sex and growing up. Don’t worry. Local experts help make the process as painless as possible. BY Savannah Waszczuk | savannah@417mag.com
The talk. Without reading another line, you can probably guess what we’re referring to. It’s that talk that is often dreaded by parents and children, the one where each subject feels awkward and uncomfortable. It’s the sex talk. It isn’t a secret that many parents feel tongue-tied discussing such an intimate topic with their children. Read on to find out how experts suggest you conquer the process.
In the Beginning
The first and most important thing for parents to realize as they prepare to have the talk with their children is one thing: The infamous conversation should not be something that happens all at once. Dana Lewis, a woman’s health educator at Cox South Hospital, says parents should start preparing their children to learn about themselves and their bodies at a young age, which will lead them to talking about sex in a more-informed, less-awkward way in the future. “It is far too overwhelming to sit a child down and tell everything all at once,” she says. “It should be given to them in small doses, a little bit at a time.”
By this, Lewis doesn’t mean to immediately introduce the topic of sex to a 5-year-old. She says it is introduced in an indirect way, such as teaching the child about his or her body in general. There is no age-specific time for this talk to begin, but it typically starts close to the time the child is potty training. During this stage, it is very important to call their body parts by their correct terms rather than words that have been coined to be kid-friendly. “You have to call it what it actually is,” says Ginny Chamberlin, a child development teacher at Glendale High School. “Otherwise, [the child] gets an idea in their head that there is something mysterious, or even dirty, about their body parts,” she says.\
The Next Levels
Around age 5 is a good time to let the child know where babies come from. Experts say that rather than introducing the topic in a formal situation, like a sit-down talk at the kitchen table, parents should find a way to bring it up in an everyday conversation. “At this age, it’s appropriate to explain that babies grow inside of mommies, and that they get there from a special relationship the mommy has with the daddy,” Lewis says.
When the Time Comes
Just before a child reaches puberty, it is important to explain to him or her how the body will change. Experts suggest you find a way to bring the topics up in everyday conversation. “For example, if you are walking through JC Penney, and you see the bras hanging there, in all different sizes, talk about how women are all different and all develop breasts of different sizes at different times,” Lewis says.
This is also a good time to talk more technically about sexual intercourse. If the child attends public school, this is the time when the students will start studying the topic in the classroom. It is required that teachers inform parents before these talks happen, and the experts urge that parents learn about what their children will see before the children do. “Prepare your kids for what they will talk about at school, and when they get home, talk about it with them,” Chamberlin says. “You’re probably going to be embarrassed, and they’re going to be embarrassed, but the more you talk to them about it now, the better chance that they will come to you later.”
Also, experts suggest that you have a book or a DVD available for when you talk about it at home. “There is nothing wrong with giving your child a book and telling them that you read chapter 11 and want them to read it and talk with them about it,” Lewis says.
Tips for the Talk
Robin Housley, a registered nurse and lactation consultant at Cox South, shares some tips on how to make talking about sex with your children a little easier.
1» Do not act embarrassed. Be sure you have a serious attitude, and make it appear that you are comfortable talking about the topic.
2» Use additional resources. Preview a book or a video to help your child understand. There are a variety of age-appropriate books available at most book stores, including Christian book stores, which help explain the topic in a way the child will understand.
3» Stay calm and collected. Make sure to be as friendly and approachable as possible, and prepare yourself for a variety of questions your child may ask.
4» Start talking early. The earlier and the more often you talk about sex with your child, the more comfortable each of you will be with the entire process.
5» Stay in tune with your child. Be sure to listen to what your child says and pay close attention to the questions they ask you. If your teen talks about “what their friends are doing,” then that means they are likely considering, or at least wondering, about themselves and the subject.
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