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A Guide to Being the Best Guest
Three entertaining-loving hosts dish on how to be the type of house guest who keeps getting invited back.
by Heather Kohler
Nov 2025
Photo by Katy St. Clair
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I’ve always enjoyed hosting. i love setting a beautiful table and bringing my friends and family into my home for an immersive experience, but that doesn’t mean I’m always a cool cucumber when it’s crunch time. Planning ahead is a must. I’m always looking for tips to make entertaining beautiful, but also easy. I got to thinking after hosting a dinner party at my house last month: I’m always focused on what makes a great host, but what makes a good guest? There were certain things that quickly came to mind, like showing up on time. Arriving too late means cold food, and arriving too early is way worse in my opinion. What would my favorite local entertaining gurus say if I asked them the same question? Here’s what I discovered, right in time for the holidays.
Be present in the moment.
When Erica Lea Hendrix of Erica Lea Design Studios hosts, she wants everyone to feel special. She encourages people to put their phones down when they arrive. Constant phone-checking says, “I’m not fully here.” Hendrix recommends stepping outside or into another room to take a call.
Mary Keyes, known by many for her superb etiquette expertise, encourages guests to offer the host help and to remember to engage in conversation. “Never just talk about you,” says Keyes. “Always make it about the person you’re speaking with.”
Bring a fully prepared dish if approved by the host.
Ron Johnson, owner of The Thicket and The Nest, recommends being honest with your guests about the menu and what to bring. “You could make suggestions,” says Johnson. “Hopefully you’re close enough to just be honest about your expectations.”
When you are attending a potluck, make sure your dish is prepared so you don’t get in the way of the host. “I’m sure you could warm a dish up in the oven if you need to, but it should be prepared already,” says Johnson.
Hendrix suggests making something homemade to share. “Bringing something thoughtful means so much more than picking up something from a grocery store,” says Hendrix.
Present a thoughtful hostess gift.
Everyone I spoke to reported that gifts are not necessary, but if you choose to bring something make sure it’s thought through. “I love flowers, but please bring a vase,” says Hendrix. “I don’t want to have to run around looking for a vase.”
Keyes likes to bring a package of pretty cocktail napkins or a seasonal candle. “It’s my love language,” says Keyes. She also likes to bring something baked to enjoy the next morning. She opts for pumpkin bread in fall months, which she presents on a festive plate, wrapped and tied with a ribbon.
Mind the table setting.
A beautiful table is all part of the experience for many hosts, including Hendrix. She says she loves pretty things and devotes a lot of time and thought into putting together a lovely table setting. “Once I had a guest rearrange my place cards,” says Hendrix.
Hendrix also wants people to use her cloth napkins—and to not add anything to the decor. “One of my pet peeves is when someone brings their huge Stanley mug or big gulp and they put it on my pretty table,” she says.
Don’t wear out your welcome.
Everyone I talked to agreed: Don’t linger! “When you hear the knee slap and the Midwestern, ‘Thanks for coming,’ you know it’s time to go,” says Hendrix. Keyes agrees and reminds guests to never leave without thanking the host or hostess.
Send a thank you.
If you want to give flowers, Johnson suggests sending flowers to the host as a thank you the day after an event. Keyes likes to send a handwritten thank you note. A simple “Thanks for having us” is all Hendrix expects, but everyone agrees that showing gratitude to your host goes a long way.
