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Chad (the Dad) is the Forgetful Parent's Savior

Chad the Dad tackles the big questions this month: "what happens if I forget my kid's age?" and "where can I find ice cream to appease them?"

By Chad Harris

Jul 2018

Chad the Dad, Chad Harris
Photos by Brandon Alms

What should I do if I forget my child’s age? 

So, you forgot the child’s birthday? No? Oh, you forgot how old your child is? Got it, got it. I could see that happening. Keeping track of numerous things is part of being a parent. Children’s age is one of those items we usually keep filed away in our memory along with “after-school pick-up time,” “what’s for lunch” and “names of our offspring.” Having multiple children requires remembering several ages, which can prove to be difficult given that laundry still needs to be done, someone must mow the lawn and dinner isn’t going to start itself. 

If you forget your child’s age, you should ask yourself a few questions: Is my child a toddler? Can the child speak? (If yes, is it sassy?) And is my child able to track his or her own age? If the kid can speak, simply ask a question that will reveal the true answer, such as: “How old are you?” Then quickly follow up with “You’re the best __-year-old!” to cover your tracks. 

Need a more elusive way to find the answer? Try asking your ageless child if they can stack a cracker for each year they have been around. Look in their room if you are still having trouble figuring it out. What kind of toys do they have? Open the game closet. Are there suggested ages printed on the box? Always follow up any suspicious inquiries with “I know how old you are—I just wanted to see if you knew.”


Where’s a great place to take kids for ice cream this summer? 

When it heats up, there is no better treat than ice cream, frozen custard, froyo, etc. In fact, any frozen dairy treat is loved by kids of all ages. Depending on the experience you are looking for, there are several options to choose from. If you’re looking to shake it with a provocative Polynesian whilst sitting on a picnic table, try Pineapple Whip. Want to watch the treat being made? Walk up to an Andy’s Frozen Custard and see your order come to life through the window. Need to invigorate a weary kid while shopping? Hit Dippin’ Dots inside Battlefield Mall.

Prefer not to dodge cars in a parking lot? Hang in the front yard for the Jeep of relief to come clamoring down the street peddling pops. Don’t want to get out? Have ice cream Primed in from Amazon. When it arrives, jingle a bell to mimic the ice cream Jeep’s “ding-ding, ding-ding” to complete the experience, you inventive parenting hero! Don’t forget the gelato and frozen ice options after you get your fill of ice cream.

ASK CHAD THE DAD

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Chad (the Dad) is a husband, father and comic who realizes it takes a village to raise a child, yet parents can’t dump their kids in the village square where the village idiot becomes a bad influence. Chad maintains that you should raise your own damn kids to make the world a better place—have fun, but don’t mess it up for the rest of us. Send your questions to him at standup@chadthedadharris.com

Disclaimer: C(TD) is not a parenting expert, holds no relevant degrees and claims not to provide helpful advice.

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