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Chad (the Dad) Knows How to Spookify Your Halloween

This month Chad (the Dad) tackles risqué Halloween costumes and the best plan to rock trick-or-.

By Chad Harris

Oct 2018

Chad the Dad, Chad Harris
Photos by Brandon Alms

I want to dress up with my kid but can only find “sexy” versions of costumes. Help! 

Good for you! Dressing up with the kids is a great way to spend time during Allhallows Eve. And yes, I hear ya, Mom, there aren’t a lot of safe, family-friendly choices when it comes to costume shops. Adding a pair of pants and a few accessories can not only make you feel more comfortable but can also increase your get-up game. Here are some starter ideas: 

  • Have a sexy bee costume? Easy. Throw in a Scottish accent so you can be from across the pond and add a back story: This busy bee moonlights as a peanut butter salesman. 
  • Turn a pirate costume into a dirty colonist who was banished from the group for poor hygiene practices.
  • Make a fairy costume more interesting by giving her a mechanic’s background with a greasy forehead and all. Chances are, you'll be a little muddy anyway from wrangling the kids all night. 
  • Change a Where’s Waldo? shirt and hat into an escaped Swedish prisoner with a pair of handcuffs. 
  • Turn the cave woman costume into a driver for Uber by adding a baby sling and a name tag “UberBC.”
  • Substitute the gun in the cowgirl costume with a pair of pliers to become an Old West dentist. Ouch! 


Where should I take my kids for Halloween this year?  

What’s more important is who you go with and how you get there. Bring a wagon to serve as a candy depository for overflowing bags, a respite for tired kiddos who need a break and a rolling lifeline of libations for mom and dad. Find some of your kids’ friends whose parents are game to pair up and hit the streets. Other tips listed here!

  • Impose the “candy tax” to allow for ample  parental snacking. 
  • Make a plan for bathroom breaks. (I’m talking more than a Gatorade bottle and a blanket for “privacy.”)
  • Stand out from the crowd by leading the way with a handmade torch.
  • Bring portable speakers so you can play your favorite spooky tunes. 
  • Before you leave, turning out house lights serves as a universal signal for no candy here. 
  • Where to go? Do some scouting and spot the decorated homes. Rountree, Rivercut, Stone Meadow, Old Ivey, Emerald Park and University Heights are safe bets. Better yet, find a decorated apartment complex: They have more doors per mile, so you can cover more ground, get more knocks per walk, and hopefully exit faster with a full bag instead of huffing through traditional neighborhoods.

ASK CHAD THE DAD

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Chad (the Dad) is a husband, father and comic who realizes it takes a village to raise a child, yet parents can’t dump their kids in the village square where the village idiot becomes a bad influence. Chad maintains that you should raise your own damn kids to make the world a better place—have fun, but don’t mess it up for the rest of us. Send your questions to him at standup@chadthedadharris.com

Disclaimer: C(TD) is not a parenting expert, holds no relevant degrees and claims not to provide helpful advice.